The Netflix Review Revue*

May 15th, 2008

In case you’re wondering what to watch–or what to avoid, as the case may be–this weekend, allow me to copy and paste some paragraphs from my Netflix notebook because I don’t feel like posting make a few suggestions.

My Best Fiend: The message of this movie in a nutshell? Klaus Kinski was one zany dude, man.

Once Upon A Time in America: It’s a fascinating mess that gets less fascinating and more mess by the end of the movie. Plus, Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute, does the soundtrack. ‘Nuff said.

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead: I can’t recommend this movie highly enough. Hoffman, Hawke and Finney really pull your sympathies in all directions right until the tragic ending.

Lars and the Real Girl: This was a very, very sweet little movie. It’s more about dealing with love and loss than buying a sex doll; in fact, there’s no sex in it, nor is it an extended joke about sex toys.

Papillion: I saw this when I was a kid. For some reason, I remember it having a lot more leprosy. It’s…okay; it’s very dated in places.

The Postman Always Rings Twice: If it weren’t for Lange’s pubes and Nicholson’s ass, this movie would be just another Hallmark Hall of Fame production. There’s only a hour of film noir in there, and the rest is surprisingly boring.

Shoot ‘Em Up: It’s an exhilarating combination of silly entertainment and nihilism. It’s so over the top, with so many good actors chewing the scenery in the best possible ways, that it’s really hard not to smile.

Lagaan: What a silly, silly movie.

*I’ve shamelessly stolen the idea for this title from Matthew. Blame a serious case of bloggers’ block.

A Day in the Life

May 8th, 2008

Amy: Hi, Blakeypoo. I… I was just about to call you! And make a tuna sandwich!

Blakeypoo: I’m in prison, bitch. I have to call you, remember? And what’s this I hear about you going bald?

Amy: Ha ha. You so funny! Hold on a minute, my condiment is ringing.

Amy with the mayo on the beach with Mrs. Peabody

Amy: Hello? Hello? Huh. They must have hung up. Blakeypoo, you still there?

Blakeypoo: ………

Amy: Poobear? Aw, he must have hung up. Oh look, a crackpipe!

Fine, men didn’t make passes anyway.

May 1st, 2008

Remember that eye trouble I was telling you about a month ago? Well, I didn’t realize there was a contributing factor.

My New Specs

So, yeah. It turns out I need glasses.

Gee, thanks Netflix.

April 30th, 2008

Every time I jump on Netflix to mess with my queue, they recommend a particular movie to me.

From the description:

This documentary closely examines the sensationalized story of a man from Seattle who died from a ruptured colon after having sex with a horse in a barn. Director Robinson Devor transcends the shocking headlines to explore the circle of people who secretly possess an interest in bestiality.

I’m not sure what it was I watched that led to this curious suggestion. Could it have been The Postman Always Rings Twice? Maybe Eastern Promises? Or even Superbad? I guess I should be thankful. At least Netflix didn’t somehow obtain personal information from another movie site I visit frequently; the words “dom”, “leather” and “uncut” don’t appear anywhere in that synopsis.

  • More proof–both the post and some of the comments–that San Francisco is the coolest city in the U.S.
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More Cheesecake Pops than You Can Shake a Diabetic At

April 27th, 2008

As Rebecca wrote, we joined the Daring Bakers this month and the first challenge was making these cheesecake pops.

As a first challenge, it was a pretty interesting one. I don’t think either of us has had much experience making the candy aspect of this recipe (coating them), though we have both made cheesecake before.

My cheesecake took a bit longer to cook than the stated recipe but otherwise it came out… ok. I say just okay because it wasn’t really cakey/crumbly like a real cheesecake would be. However, after looking at Rebecca’s pops I think I’ll count my blessings for that.

Forming the cheesecake pops was the most trying part of this recipe. Even though my cheesecake was refrigerated overnight and par-frozen, within seconds of spooning a glob into my hand the cheesecake was like a semi-solid pudding; after 2-3 pops I could no longer form balls in my hand and had to wash my hands off and start again. I had originally had the idea of doing different shapes - squares, triangles, tetrahedrons (I kid…) - but I quickly gave up that idea. However a previous idea I had, to insert maraschino cherries into the pops, did pan out. I bought a small jar, drained them and froze them, then inserted them into the spoonful of cheesecake and formed the ball around them, inserting the pop stick into the center when I finished.

One of my other plans was to coat the cheesecake in a few different toppings (white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, colored chocolate) but nature conspired against me and my lack of patience and thanks to an un-air conditioned room and temperatures in the 80s I soon settled with just one coating - a simple milk chocolate to which I added a few spoonfuls of nutella.

The chocolate coating took no time at all to firm up, which resulted in quite a few dipping/sprinkling missteps on my end. I found that if I added the coating too soon it would sort of melt off or go under the chocolate and too late and I only got a few sprinkles to actually stick. I’m chocking this up to future experience and hope to be better prepared next time.

After taste testing a pop I decided they were not for me. I’m a big sissy when it comes to cheesecake and without a hearty helping of fruit topping and crumbly crust, well, I just can’t appreciate them as much. My pops were brought into work the next day and all demolished in no time flat and praise seemed to come from everyone. They particularly enjoyed the cherries in the center and marveled at how much time they must have taken to make. If they only knew!

So, a big thanks goes out to the Daring Bakers for letting us join your crew! We look forward to whatever culinary knuckleballs you have in store for us in the months to come.

Pop Goes the Cheesecake

April 27th, 2008

A month ago, Matt and I joined the Daring Bakers, a group of folks (representing nearly 800 blogs around the world) who like to be challenged in the kitchen. Every month, one lucky member chooses a recipe that lets all the others use and/or learn an important baking technique. April’s challenge included both the bain marie–French for water bath–and tempering chocolate. What scrumptious treat did we make for our very first Daring Bakers project? Why, frozen cheesecake pops!

Frosted Pops 2

Obviously, mine were rather messy. I had a lot of trouble scooping the cheesecake, as you can see below, into the walnut-sized balls suggested by the recipe. Growing impatient and starting to swear, I finally gave up and cut the cake into cubes.

Hello?  You can't fucking "scoop" cheesecake.

Oh yeah, the recipe. I suppose you might want that, huh? Well, here it is:

Cheesecake Pops*
(from Jill O’Connor’s Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey: Desserts for the Serious Sweet Tooth)

Makes 30 – 40 Pops
5 8-oz. packages cream cheese at room temperature
2 cups sugar
¼ cup all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon salt
5 large eggs
2 egg yolks
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract (I used two teaspoons of fresh lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of fresh lemon zest in place of the vanilla.)
¼ cup heavy cream
Boiling water as needed
Thirty to forty 8-inch lollipop sticks
1 pound chocolate, finely chopped – you can use all one kind or half and half of dark, milk, or white (Alternately, you can use 1 pound of flavored coatings, also known as summer coating, confectionary coating or wafer chocolate – candy supply stores carry colors, as well as the three kinds of chocolate.)
2 tablespoons vegetable shortening
(Note: White chocolate is harder to use this way, but not impossible)
(I added one tablespoon of lemon zest to the chocolate.)
Assorted decorations such as chopped nuts, colored jimmies, crushed peppermints, mini chocolate chips, sanding sugars, dragees) - Optional

Position oven rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 325 degrees F. Set some water to boil.

In a large bowl, beat together the cream cheese, sugar, flour, and salt until smooth. If using a mixer, mix on low speed. Add the whole eggs and the egg yolks, one at a time, beating well (but still at low speed) after each addition. Beat in the vanilla and cream.

Grease a 10-inch cake pan (not a springform pan) (I used a springform pan. To prevent the batter leaking into the bain marie, and the bain marie from leaking into the batter, I tightly wrapped my springform in three layers of aluminum foil.) and pour the batter into the cake pan. Place the pan in a larger roasting pan. Fill the roasting pan with the boiling water until it reaches halfway up the sides of the cake pan. Bake until the cheesecake is firm and slightly golden on top, 35 to 45 minutes.

Remove the cheesecake from the water bath and cool to room temperature. Cover the cheesecake with plastic wrap and refrigerate until very cold, at least 3 hours or up to overnight.

When the cheesecake is cold and very firm, scoop the cheesecake into 2-ounce balls and place on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Carefully insert a lollipop stick into each cheesecake ball. Freeze the cheesecake pops, uncovered, until very hard, at least 1 – 2 hours.

When the cheesecake pops are frozen and ready for dipping, prepare the chocolate. In the top of a double boiler, set over simmering water, or in a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering water, heat half the chocolate and half the shortening, stirring often, until chocolate is melted and chocolate and shortening are combined. Stir until completely smooth. Do not heat the chocolate too much or your chocolate will lose it’s shine after it has dried. Save the rest of the chocolate and shortening for later dipping, or use another type of chocolate for variety.

Alternately, you can microwave the same amount of chocolate coating pieces on high at 30 second intervals, stirring until smooth.

Quickly dip a frozen cheesecake pop in the melted chocolate, swirling quickly to coat it completely. Shake off any excess into the melted chocolate. If you like, you can now roll the pops quickly in optional decorations. You can also drizzle them with a contrasting color of melted chocolate (dark chocolate drizzled over milk chocolate or white chocolate over dark chocolate, etc.) Place the pop on a clean parchment paper-lined baking sheet to set. Repeat with remaining pops, melting more chocolate and shortening (or confectionery chocolate pieces) as needed.

Refrigerate the pops for up to 24 hours, until ready to serve.*

We weren’t allowed to make major changes to the cheesecake recipe–no mocha, pumpkin or, sadly for this Montana girl, huckleberry cheesecake allowed–but we could temper any kind of chocolate and decorate the pops with our choice of sugar sprinkles, jimmies, crushed graham crackers, or anything else that caught our Daring Baker fancy. I chose a flavor near and dear to my bitter little heart: lemon. My sister, who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, has two Meyer lemon trees in her backyard. Earlier this month, she mailed a ten-pound box of her lemons to me. Meyer lemons, a Chinese cross between a lemon and a orange, are juicier and sweeter than the regular Eureka lemons usually found in the produce section of your local grocery store. I wanted to use the lemons in my cheesecake and my chocolate coating. I added fresh lemon juice in place of the vanilla extract and a tablespoon of zest to the cake batter. To bring out the flavor and enhance the color of Randie’s Meyer lemons, I dipped my pops in Guittard white chocolate. Despite what the recipe says, it wasn’t that hard to work with white chocolate. Just to add more of that wonderful, fresh Meyer lemon flavor to the pops, I added another tablespoon of zest to the chopped chocolate and vegetable shortening.

Melted White Chocolate with Lemon Zest

It melted beautifully. Now, I should mention I halved the recipe. Not only did I not want 40 chocolate-coated pieces of creamy temptation sitting in my freezer, I work in a small office. Everyone there loves to eat, but I knew even they could not make that many sweet treats disappear. Once again, the recipe was inaccurate. Halving the recipe did not result in 15-20 pops. Even with my impatience at scooping cheesecake and eventually cutting it into cubes larger than the recommended two ounces, I had 25 pops. Tragic, I know. Naturally, in the interest of quality control, I had to try a few before I shared them with my coworkers.

Pop Goes the Weasel

Despite the trouble I had with the recipe, the finished cheesecake pops were a smooth, rich, lemony delight. I don’t think I will make them again (oh, go ahead, twist my arm), but I enjoyed experimenting with melted chocolate and cheesecake. And I loved finding yet another recipe for my beloved Meyer lemons. With any luck, the May challenge will be lemon soufflé.

*The text of the recipe was lifted from the Daring Bakers’ site, courtesy of Elle and Deborah.

Birds of a Feather

April 25th, 2008

Stories like this make me believe Louis Armstrong when he sings “What A Wonderful World”.

  • I guess this cements the fact that I’m gonna watch this train until it finally goes up in flames, more troubles for Amy Winehouse. Warning: Do not click the second link if you’re feeling a bit weak in the stomach.
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Gunga, Gunga-Galunga

April 24th, 2008

Seeing how a certain country has been doing a swell job of keeping Tibet in the news lately, I bring to you this work of “journalism” done by Columbia student Christina Liu. Please note, I am pasting the entirety of the story in this post as the story has been retracted, for obvious reasons.

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“News” Company Makes Ass of Itself, Film at 11

April 24th, 2008

Continuing in what an objective onlooker might reasonably believe to be a game of oneupmanship between CNN and the New York Post for most ridiculous titles, CNN momentarily takes the lead:

Not only that, but you can get it on a t-shirt too. Bonus points if you’re of the feminine persuasion and happen to weigh 176, though depending on your measurements you might not even be able to buy the shirt in your size. Shame, really.

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